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So, I'm not going to follow the rules and tag people and ask questions and that kind of stuff, but I will answer the questions of :iconkurairo: 

I actually quite love answering questions :3

1. If your life were a movie, what kind of genre would it be?
Defenitly drama. Maybe mixed with a little bit of thriller/horror?

2. Favorite quote?
</span>Ever tried,
Ever failed,
No matter.

Try again, 
Fail again,
Fail better.
- I don't remember who ^^;

3. What’s the color of your eyes, and do you like it? Which parent did you inherit your eyecolor from?
</span>My eyes are brown and I love that :3 Because brown is so plain. Every other colour can be a mixture of so many colours, but brown is just brown. Plus, brown is my favourite colour anyways. I inherited it from my mom, which I am less enthousiastic about.

4. What’s the most exciting/weird/amazing thing you’ve ever done?
</span>FMAB night with Lin and Juul is the first thing that comes to mind :'D
That was crazy and so much fun hahaha
I'm so pathetic. But I never really do that much haha

5. Traveling or staying at home?
</span>HOME. I don't care about traveling at all and I get homesick a lot. I just prefer to stay at home because it's cozy and home and just plain home you know? x3

6. Do you believe in love?
</span>I most defenitly do c:
Do you?

7. How many fictional characters do you have (if you keep track. XD)
</span>Ohhh... Too many... My head hurts..

8. How often a year do you buy new clothes for yourself?
</span>Whenever I go shopping :x
So that's like... Four times a year if my bank-account is lucky.

9. If you could be reborn as a new person, what land would you prefer to be born in?
</span>France. 
I was born to be french xD
Or say Norway or Denmark. Or maybe Canada!

10. Favorite historical figure?
</span>That would be my favourite philosopher which is in fact..... Hmmm........ Hume.
I love that basterd.

SO! I hope you enjoyed this... Or whatever xD
So.. Bye! :wave:
  • Mood: Tense
  • Watching: Attack On Titan
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
That Sunday started like any other day. I had received word from Maria that Vera had found it very pleasant to talk to me and I informed her that it had been very pleasant for me as well. Apart from that there was no news. But right now, no news meant good news if you asked me. They were allowed to visit her again that afternoon, but still not for long. I think I had just started doing my homework when a messaged popped up on my screen. I thought it was very, but I had to make sure first. It was weird talking to two people on the same phone and quite awkward to having to ask if this was really Vera I was talking to. But she confirmed and we started talking again. Not really such vital things and we had talked about the day before, but more things you would say to a person who wasn’t in the hospital because they had to remove the tumor in her brain before it would kill her.

Of course we did talk a little about her illness. I asked her a lot of things about her life that still weren’t that clear to me. Of course I had heard all the good already, but I knew little of all the bad things that had happened to her. And believe me, she had a record of those. She informed me that this one time she had been unconscious in Italy and on the way to the hospital they had pronounced her dead, but when they arrived at the hospital, she had suddenly woken up. And that wasn’t even the first time she had been pronounced dead either! Because she was in to cycling, she got caught up in a whole bunch of freak accidents. Now I was a cyclist as well, but I was a very scared little cyclist I must say, and she reminded me very much of why I was so afraid.

I then told her she had beaten me on basically all things I had ever achieved. I mean, I had Asperger’s, she had Asperger’s. I had a depression which had caused me to try and commit suicide several times, but had epically failed every single time. Now she had a depression as well, and she had tried to commit suicide several times as well, but she nearly died all of those times. I self-harmed, I did this quite frequently, but not very deep or dangerous or anything. And she self-harmed, she used to cut very frequently and very deeply and she had even slit her wrists once. I once ended up in the hospital with 28 for a heartbeat because of my eating disorder and now she had ended up in the hospital with a heartbeat even lower that and sometimes even failing. So yeah, she basically broke all of my records. As a joke I told her not to get an eating disorder as well, because then she would’ve beaten me even in that. That was when she informed me she already had an eating disorder and that she was six kilograms underweight.

Just my luck right! I met a girl, who was just like me, only worse in every possible way. Of course there were still some things she couldn’t top, like the lateness of my Asperger’s diagnoses and I had actually been fourteen kilograms underweight, but that didn’t matter much. That conversation with her made me realize how bad her life probably had to be. I mean, I always blamed myself for having no reason whatsoever to be depressed and to want to kill myself. Now Vera, she was an entirely different story. Every single thing that could go wrong in your life, basically had gone wrong in her life. Every. Single. Thing. And now she had fucking brain cancer! I mean come on! That just wasn’t fair! I knew then and there that I would’ve traded places with her if I could. She had done absolutely nothing to deserve this kind of bad luck. She really was like the sweetest girl I ever met.
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
During the ride home my boyfriend asked me if I could come on skype that night. I gladly said yes. We just talked and talked about nothing in particular, but it was great not to be alone. I went to bed early and slept blissfully that night. I woke up late the next morning, but I didn’t even care. I was going to try and get some schoolwork done but at the back of my mind there was this question forming what would happen next, now that she was out of immediate danger. I didn’t ask her foster mother though. I did ask them if there was any news and whether or not they would get to see her today. They told me they would be allowed to see her for a little while that afternoon and I must admit I was quite jealous. I knew I wasn’t exactly her best friend or anything, and I didn’t want to disturb the time they got to spend with her, especially after all that had happened. But I just wanted to see for myself that she was safe and sound and doing alright.

I was taken by surprise when I received a message that afternoon that was completely different from the messages that had been send to me the past days. Carefully I asked if I was speaking to Vera and she confirmed. They wouldn’t allow her to be on her phone for long, but there she was, safe and sound, talking to me. I was so relieved. I can’t describe in words how I felt that very moment. Of course I started asking her questions right away. How was she feeling? How did she react to the news? How was she coping? And in the end, the question came up: What’s next? It was unavoidable. She told me that they might have to do a second surgery to remove all of the tumor, but that it was quite dangerous and that there was no guarantee that the cancer would be completely gone after that and she would be completely restored.

Having to go through a surgery like that again didn’t really seem like a very good plan to me, especially so because the chance of it going wrong was a lot higher than it had been last time. So I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down in my chair when I heard that. Now, I know enough about cancer to know that there are other options, they might not always be the better option, but there were always other options. Like radiation and chemo right? So I asked her what other options there were. She told me that there were no other options. She would either have to go through that surgery or she would die. Surgery was her only option, dangerous as it might be.

You can imagine my reaction. I wasn’t happy. In fact I wasn’t happy at all. I asked her if she would have another surgery, how long it would take before that would take place. She told me that it would only be a couple of weeks. I had imagined she would first have to rest and restore from this surgery and that it would’ve taken about a month, maybe two before they would perform this surgery. She told me it was too dangerous though. They couldn’t wait that long. In a way it made sense. Their only hope was to cut out the cancer before it had a chance to spread. Call it stupid but I had cherished this fantasy of the two of us, becoming best buddies and hanging out together and me being there for her the next time she would go through surgery. I felt kind of crushed that we would only have a couple of weeks.

If you’re interested, I did ask her about the surgery itself. I found it impossible to imagine how they could operate a brain when there was a skull in the way, you know? I kind of imagined them going in through the mouth or nose and then reach your brain with this scalp combined with a camera or something. But it wasn’t nearly that cool actually. She told me they just lifted part of your scalp to reach your brain. But even so I wondered how that worked, because they had to kind of break her skull to do so right?! But I didn’t ask any more questions because we didn’t have much time and before long she had to leave again to rest. She told me she’d hopefully be back the next day and I told her I hoped so too. She told he how good it felt to talk to me and I told her how good it felt to talk to her. Then she left.
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
Meeting my boyfriend was as hard as I predicted and maybe I hugged him a little tighter then I normally would have. Maybe I was a little quieter than I normally would be. But I don’t think he noticed. I didn’t break down. I didn’t cry and I was proud of myself for that. I would honor my friends wish. During our meeting I kept my phone at hand, anxiously checking it every ten minutes, without making it seem like I was in fact anxiously checking it. Whenever some new information came in I would unlock my phone and reply immediately. My boyfriend of course, noticed I was talking to ‘Vera’ and told me to tell her he said hi. At the time it seemed stupid.

I did cause some trouble in letting him see I was talking to her, or better said, her foster mother. Right before he left he asked me how she was doing. A question to which I didn’t have the faintest hint how to answer. In fact I don’t even remember how I replied. I think I changed the subject and started talking about something else. Later Maria told me that he had also tried to message Vera and was persistently asking how she was doing. It was just like him, catching on to something like that. In the end Maria decided to tell him Vera was in the hospital and that she was doing well under the circumstances. Me? I couldn’t lie to him. So I told him she had asked me not to tell him anything. I apologized for that about a thousand times and I still felt guilty. My boyfriend understood though. He understood that I couldn’t defile her faith in me.

But of course all of that isn’t interesting to you at all! I bet you are all dying to know what I heard about Vera that day. Well, for starters she regained consciousness at about noon. She was still very hazy because of the anaesthetic and she still had a slight raise of temperature, but overall she was doing well. They told me they would be allowed to see her later that day and I asked them if they would tell her that I was there for her, and that I wouldn’t leave, not ever. They said they would. I kept checking in several times that day and they would always tell me the same, that she was doing alright. She was still in pain, but she was doing alright. After my boyfriend had left me and my friend went on a shopping trip and afterwards ate something at MacDonalds. I had totally let myself go during the shopping, it was great distraction and I had great fun. I kind of felt guilty afterwards, for having that much fun while she was so sick. But it sure was better than sitting at home, worrying all day.

At MacDonalds I received the next message, saying they had been allowed to see her and that Vera had been very worried. Not about herself, but about making us worry. Typically Vera. I believe I even laughed about that a little. She was also sad that she wasn’t allowed to talk to me yet. She very much wanted to talk to me. I felt a bit odd about that, because I wasn’t nearly as close to her as her foster parents were and I hadn’t wanted to ruin the little bit of time they had with her that day. I already had a lot of difficulty asking them to give her that message from me. Her head still hurt, but that was kind of obvious considering they had been cutting into her brain less than a day before. I was on the phone almost all the time we were at MacDonalds and I felt guilty about that, but my friend kept assuring me that it was fine over and over again.

After that we left for the train station to see what time our transportation would leave and it turned out my train had just left, as had her bus. So we ended up roaming around the train station for about half an hour and then said our goodbyes. She dropped me off at my train as she always did and in a moment of weakness I asked her to come home with me, so that I didn’t have to be alone again, but of course she couldn’t. So I was on the train again, going home, hoping I would finally get some sleep that night.
February 16th '15
I don't remember what part this is >.<

I did come to realize that.. You can't write a decent story in pieces and upload the pieces and keep on writing without changing anything.
So I'm still going to keep on uploading the story and I hope everything will be right and that I won't make any huge mistakes, but before this can make a decent story it will need so huge cleaning up.

I bet you're all glad to hear Vera's ok c:
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She insisted in coming with me to the station. In the end I ended up staying longer then I planned, but I did not care one bit because I did not want to leave her. Being with her just felt right. It was like she was another part of me. We went to get her bike back first and then we walked back to the train station. We arrived there ten minutes early. I didn’t know what to say to her and I sure as hell didn’t want to leave. At first we just stood there, she was looking at me and I was looking at her. I understood now, why she wanted to memorize this moment. I wanted to remember this moment as well, for the rest of my life. I hugged her, saying I didn’t want to rush our goodbyes. We kept standing there, neither of us saying anything, knowing I had to leave but not wanting me to go. I stalled until the last possible second, gave her another hug and ran over to the train. Standing in front of the train I looked back and she was still standing there. She waved and I waved, then I got in the train and left. For the longest time I was sure I was going to cry. I remembered all the times I had already cried for her and now we had finally met in person and it felt so right, but now I had to leave her again. I couldn’t though. I couldn’t cry. I think I had already used up all of my tears.

I got out my phone and started replying to the messages I had received during the day. After exactly half an hour she came online and naturally we started talking again. She told me she had cried all the way home and that it had never been so hard for her to leave someone. I told her I felt the same way, but that my tears had all been used up. I told her about how glad I was that I had finally gotten to meet her and we both agreed that we should see each other more often. We talked and talked until my battery was about to die. I was one stop away from home. All in all it was a two hour trip and I had half an hour left to go, but first I had to wait for half an hour on the cold station. I told her I had to leave if I wanted to listen to some music for the last hour so I told her I would talk to her before I went to bed. Because of the cold I ended up in the supermarket located on the station. I just kept walking past all the products, looking at them, but not actually buying anything. I did like twenty rounds before I made my way back to the departing places.

I looked up at the boards displaying the trains and I knew there was something wrong. My train wasn’t on it. I checked my phone again to see if I had made a mistake, but I hadn’t. There was supposed to be a train leaving for my hometown in ten minutes, only it wasn’t there. After walking around for a bit, pondering over how this could be I remembered something I had vaguely noticed in the restaurant. When I was looking up the train schedules back then I had noticed that after a certain time the trains would leave any other hour instead of one every half an hour. It hadn’t interested me back then because I thought I would be long gone by then. But as I had been unwilling to leave her I had crossed that time mark, meaning I would be stuck on this very station for at least another half an hour. As the realization sunk in I started to feel real bad. I had already been tired, but suddenly I was exhausted. What was I going to do for another half an hour on this stinking station. It was late, everything was closed, there was no place I could go, nobody I could call to come and pick me up. Seriously, I was about to breakdown and cry.

The worst part of it wasn’t that I had to spent another half hour and a cold station or that I would be home a lot later then I had planned. The worst part of it was that I could’ve stayed with Vera for another half an hour instead of wasting it here. That was the thing that really broke me up. I got back online and messaged her, apologizing, telling her how stupid I had been. She told me it was ok and that she felt sorry for me, that she missed me but that she’d be alright. I told her I missed her too. I missed her so much already. Finally a tear streamed down my face. My phone was still dying so I couldn’t talk to her for long. Having no idea what to do with the time I had left I decided to walk. To just walk. I walked from one side of the station to the other and back again. The station’s main ground was about twenty meters above the ground. When I reached the other side I stopped. There weren’t that many people here. Walking had got me thinking and I was about to really start crying. I walked over to the corner and looked out over an abandoned road. It was a long, lone road and somehow it looked beautiful to me. Every now and then a car would appear, but you would only see the shining headlights becoming bigger or smaller.

Looking out over that road I started thinking about things. I thought back to the beginning. To all the time I had spent talking to her. I thought about her illness and then I thought about the future. I never thought about the future, because it always made me very uncomfortable. Now it seemed like the right thing to do though. I thought about the future and I became scared and sad at the same time. I started crying. I wasn’t sobbing or anything, just quietly crying. Every now and then someone would come up the stairs and pass me by, but nobody paid attention. That was the good part about train stations, people were always in a rush, so nobody ever noticed you. Whenever I tried to think about something else, about school for instance, my mind would just drift back to her. I knew that from now on, everything would be different. Nothing would ever be the same again, because there would always be here. She was there in my mind and she was there in everything I did now. She had become a part of me and that part of me was sick. And I didn’t know if that part of me was going to survive. So I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried until finally I decided this wasn’t going to do me any good. So I started walking again. Up and down and up and down. Going nowhere, waiting for that last train to take me home. Knowing I would never be the same again.
The Lone Road -Part 3-
Part 7?
I'm not quite content because I don't feel I got to capute what I wanted to capture with this part. So I'd love to hear what you all thought of this, so I could maybe make it better or leave it if it's ok.

There are like.. Some things I know right here that you don't and it's very hard to make it all fit together the way I want to.. So please critisize me! 
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So, I'm not going to follow the rules and tag people and ask questions and that kind of stuff, but I will answer the questions of :iconkurairo: 

I actually quite love answering questions :3

1. If your life were a movie, what kind of genre would it be?
Defenitly drama. Maybe mixed with a little bit of thriller/horror?

2. Favorite quote?
</span>Ever tried,
Ever failed,
No matter.

Try again, 
Fail again,
Fail better.
- I don't remember who ^^;

3. What’s the color of your eyes, and do you like it? Which parent did you inherit your eyecolor from?
</span>My eyes are brown and I love that :3 Because brown is so plain. Every other colour can be a mixture of so many colours, but brown is just brown. Plus, brown is my favourite colour anyways. I inherited it from my mom, which I am less enthousiastic about.

4. What’s the most exciting/weird/amazing thing you’ve ever done?
</span>FMAB night with Lin and Juul is the first thing that comes to mind :'D
That was crazy and so much fun hahaha
I'm so pathetic. But I never really do that much haha

5. Traveling or staying at home?
</span>HOME. I don't care about traveling at all and I get homesick a lot. I just prefer to stay at home because it's cozy and home and just plain home you know? x3

6. Do you believe in love?
</span>I most defenitly do c:
Do you?

7. How many fictional characters do you have (if you keep track. XD)
</span>Ohhh... Too many... My head hurts..

8. How often a year do you buy new clothes for yourself?
</span>Whenever I go shopping :x
So that's like... Four times a year if my bank-account is lucky.

9. If you could be reborn as a new person, what land would you prefer to be born in?
</span>France. 
I was born to be french xD
Or say Norway or Denmark. Or maybe Canada!

10. Favorite historical figure?
</span>That would be my favourite philosopher which is in fact..... Hmmm........ Hume.
I love that basterd.

SO! I hope you enjoyed this... Or whatever xD
So.. Bye! :wave:
  • Mood: Tense
  • Watching: Attack On Titan

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Noekert
Anouk
Netherlands
Because we are all connected by a red thread, called life..

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:iconlokkerd:
Lokkerd Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2015
Hey Anouk! ♥ We haven't talked in forever you tree girl ;_;
How are you doing? 
Reply
:iconnoekert:
Noekert Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2015
I know!!!
I'm alright I guess, school is taking up all my time it seems haha
How are you? :heart:
Reply
:iconlokkerd:
Lokkerd Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015
Ahh that sucks :c But really great that you are that dedicated! 
How many more years do you have? 
I'm good! I went from one crappy job to two great jobs! : D
Reply
:iconnoekert:
Noekert Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015
I'm in my first year ^^;
Oh that's cool! What do you do?
Reply
:iconbimmerd:
Bimmerd Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014   Digital Artist
bimmerd.deviantart.com/art/Can…
Not that spectacular but I hope you'll like her anyway QnQ
Reply
:iconnoekert:
Noekert Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014
IT IS SPECTACULAR OMFG YOU! ;n;
:iconcryforeverplz:
Reply
:iconveede:
Veede Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014
Did I chase you away? :(
Reply
:iconnoekert:
Noekert Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014
No, I just dissapear from time to time, busy life hahaha
Reply
:iconveede:
Veede Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014
Hahaha, okay (: I know how that goes xD
I was just worried I bothered you somehow ^^;
Reply
:iconnoekert:
Noekert Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
Nuuuuuuu haha
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